I knew most of the remedies weren’t relevant, because this failure happened while the BIOS felt around to identify the monitors: not a driver issue (not in effect yet), not a Windows issue (fer shure!), not a Linux issue, and not a BIOS configuration issue (nothing changed, plus Dell doesn’t allow much configuration).
Searching with an assortment of relevant keywords produced several interesting results, including a lengthy Dell support forum thread, all suggesting a deeper and surprisingly longstanding problem with Displayport connections on big Dell monitors. Worse, the landscape monitor, a year-old Dell U2711, now refused to wake up from power-save mode during boot, even when it was the only monitor connected to the PC.
Unplugging one of the Displayport cables turned it off instantly, which was a clue that took a while to recognize. Unplugging the monitors extinguished the LED after a bit. Disconnecting the USB cables to the monitors (they both have USB hubs) had no effect. Unplugging the PC’s power cord extinguished all the internal LEDs on the system board, but left the drive light shining the same dim green. Part of the flailing about while working around the Ubuntu video driver update glitch included blindly swapping a Displayport cable, which triggered another failure after everything settled down: the (empty) DVD drive’s activity light remained dimly lit with the PC off and both monitors in power-save mode.
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